It's been around 7 weeks since I left Canada, and since then life has moved incredibly fast - I've been up and down the country visiting friends, I've celebrated my sister's 18th birthday and I've started an internship. Weirdly my exchange experience feels like a dream and the more time that passes the more surreal the whole thing seems. When describing trips and moments to people, I feel like I am talking about someone else's life or I am recounting a film I have just seen. I thought it would be a good idea to kind of go through and sum up the entire year and what it taught me before it becomes nothing but 'that year time I went to Canada.' I also figured that it would be a good way to organise my thoughts and feelings, and to round off my 'Exchange Series' on this blog, plus I'm listening to Drake's new album and it's Canada Day so I'm really feeling the Canadian vibes. This will probably just be a huge jumble of thoughts/word vomit as I try to get a grip on what I really am feeling.
Something I have realised since I got back is that my year it is really difficult to explain it to people who didn't live it. Saying 'yeah it was really good thanks' to someone who asks how it was is the biggest injustice but I just can't put into words how it really was. It was the most amazing, surreal, difficult, scary, humbling, valuable year of my life, and I think that just telling people that it was 'really good' has meant that all of these feelings are still inside me. I want to tell people the euphoria I felt when I was standing at the top of the Empire State Building, when I was on a boat in Niagara Falls or when I lay eyes on the Hollywood sign for the first time but I don't want to appear to be bragging. I want to tell people the despair I felt when my grades dropped, when we didn't make it to San Francisco or when a run of bad luck hit the house and my friends were suffering but I don't want to sound ungrateful - it's a weird balance between trying not to mention it too much and trying not to pretend it didn't happen, and I think the only people who that will make sense to is those who were part of it.
First semester was all about finding my feet, my friends and adapting to the Canadian education system. I was homesick for my family, my friends and familiarity but I also accomplished more than I ever thought I could do. I left Europe for the first time ever and travelling across the Atlantic on my own, I moved in with strangers and I started at one of the best universities in the world. I never thought I would spend my 20th birthday in Canada, I never thought I would go to New York and I never thought I would see Niagara Falls with my family.
One of the best things that exchange bought me was a million 'moments,' and the chance to go at the experience with two different families. Whenever I am in a surreal situation that I cannot believe is my life I call it a moment. Some of my friends will vouch for this as they have probably heard me say 'omg guys I'm having a moment.' Obviously when visiting such amazing places I had these moments, but there were also other times that were way more understated but 'moments' in their own right. The first one that comes to me dates way back to September when it was 30 degrees and we would go to Ben and Jerry's every night. Sarah accidentally got a vegan ice cream, Without You by Avicii was playing in the shop and I looked around at the people I had known for less that a 2 weeks and suddenly felt a rush of love for them and appreciation for the moment. Soon after that there was another moment, when we went to Coaticook and a few of us got stuck in traffic on the way home. We hadn't known each other long and in the car there was a German, an Aussie, a Swiss girl and a Brit with nothing in common apart from the situation we were in - I often think about the conversations we had on the bridge into Montreal and how in that moment I gained 3 forever friends. Girls night first semester will live with me until the day I die and the images of Phoebe falling through a table and Sabrina dancing to High School Musical often pop into my mind and make me smile. The final 'moment' from first semester was when a few of the fam went to Mexico for the weekend, and the rest of us went to Mont Tremblant. I was so so happy to see everyone after 3 days apart and that was when I realised how lucky I had been to meet those people and how hard it would be to say goodbye
Second semester gave me a second chance in the city that had become my home. Going back to the house that held so many special moments from first semester with 20 new people waiting there was difficult and took some getting used to, but I was blessed with the best once again and got a whole new family. I went into second semester determined to get better grades (didn't happen), travel more (happened), and make more lifelong friends (definitely happened) - it was different for sure but it was incredible in a different way. We travelled further, saw more of Montreal and became locals rather than tourists/students/confused. There are a few 'moments' that stand out from second semester aside from all the travel, and the first was building a snowman on Mont Royal. We were freezing and barely knew each other but it really stands out as a moment where I started to see my new housemates as new best friends (plus the snowman became some sort of tourist attraction and I loved the attention). The sheer volume of brunches really impressed me (thanks Anna) I now truly believe that brunch is an occasion and I am convinced that I will never taste anything as good as the ham at L'Avenue. Legging it from the Plateau Downtown to Ben and Jerrys for free ice cream with Lucy and Rachel after demolishing pizzas and missing the free ice cream by one minute literally broke my heart, as did not being able to finish our chocolate feast at Juliette et Chocolat. Sitting on the wall up Mont Royal, overlooking the city on cold nights with Phoebe, talking about anything and everything until one of us got too cold gave me so much to think about, and mine and Vic's final trek to the top to say goodbye was possibly the most heartbreaking moment of the year. I miss hearing Luz and Laura laughing and chatting away en Espanol from down the hall, I miss hearing Around the World playing from Iman's room at 3am, I miss late night DMC's with Siubhan - I even miss the snow plough.
The year taught me so much more than what I learnt for my degree (although McGill gave me A LOT). I learnt that the world is huge and there is so much more to see, the Canadian education system is insanely hard, arm wrestling is not a good idea, American Airlines are trash, cold in England is not cold, Timberlands are the best thing I have ever bought, beavertail flavours are hard to choose (aren't they Sabrina?), Ottawa is the most boring capital city in the world (sorry not sorry), social media is a blessing to keep in touch with friends old and new, Five Guys is amazing (thank you Claire), Justin Trudeau is just as hot in person, and most importantly that I can do way more than I ever thought I could do.
I think what I have grasped from writing this post is yes, the travel, the education and the whole living abroad thing were all unbelievable and made me question how this was my life, the people and the more spontaneous, wholesome (hehe @ Boston Crew) moments are the things that I will remember forever. The strangest thing is that it will never be the same again. There will be new exchange students in our house as of September, ready for their year of sharing a temperamental washing machine between 30 people, mouse spotting and trying to figure out who stole their food. They will make friendships and memories to last a lifetime, and will make that slightly grim and run down house a home. They won't know about all the potlucks, pres and movie nights that came before them and although it makes me sad that our presence in that house will be gone, I am so excited for them because I know what they have to come.
I'm not even going to read this back because I have literally word vommed this entire post, but I guess it's a good way to bring the Canada blogs to an end.
If you were part of this year in any way please know that I love you and miss you endlessly.
Bonjour Bye x
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