Insecure or vain??

I have always been the spotty one ever since starting secondary school. I remember constantly being told "you'll grow out of it" and "everyone is in the same boat." But that was 8 years ago, and nothing has changed. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing how my skin looks, I can't remember a day of my teenage years where I was happy with my appearance, and I am 20 in five months. This isn't me attention or pity seeking, this is just something I think about constantly and wanted to write about to try and get it out of my head. 

I wish I could leave the house without spending half an hour putting make up on, trying to make my skin look better. It's got to the point where no one sees me without make up on, I'll put concealer on the minute I get out of bed so even my family don't see. My sister has the same problem, but recently she has decided to stop wearing makeup, as she has realised that she doesn't care what people think. I can only hope that one day I have the same change in thoughts, but as of right now I am constantly worrying about what people think of me and what is said behind my back. I know that when people talk to me that's what they notice, I'm pretty sure that I had some nicknames in school, and I know for sure that when people say 'which one is Holly?' the reply will be 'oh, she's the spotty one.' I feel like I am constantly compared to my friends (who are all peng/10 btw), and that means that whenever I do get a someone looking at me, or trying to talk to me, I ignore it or pie them off because they can do better.

I really don't know where I am going with this post, I just wanted to get it off my chest because I am constantly worrying about how people perceive me, do their thoughts echo mine? I know people have it a lot worse, and this is something so petty to get worked up about. I must seem so vain, but it is really hard to ignore when it has been your biggest insecurity for 8 years. My high school friends have never seen me with clear skin, nor has my little cousin or my new uni friends. It impacts my self confidence to the point where sometimes I cancel plans purely because I don't want people to see my face and I am sure that is not healthy. I want to be able to go out without make up on, or just put make up on because I enjoy doing it, not because I have to. I want to go into clubs and look like all the other girls my age, not like some 13 year old who is going through her acne stage, but I am starting to lose hope that that is ever going to happen...