Welcome to Montreal!

omg, I am in Canada. I have been here four days and I'm still having to remind myself that I am actually here, and I'm staying for a year. It's been such a busy few days sorting bank accounts, phone contracts and all that good stuff, but it's also been some of the best days of my life. I've met lovely people, seen some amazing places, and I am so excited for what is in store for me here.
After landing on Saturday I made my way to my house, which is in Downtown Montreal. As a village gal, I was and still completely am in awe of the skyscrapers and the vastness of the city - it's huge. I met my housemates and we explored the city by night.
Sunday was a day of admin, but also a day of exploration. Jet lag hit and I woke up at 6am, but it meant that I had a long and productive day, we even went to Walmart which really made me feel like I was in an American TV show.
Monday was pretty chill. I got to know more people and we climbed up Mont Royal, which has the most beautiful view of the city. I've never seen anything like it, and it made me quite emotional, as this has been such a long time coming and now I am finally here!
Yesterday we had Discover McGill day, which was basically orientation. It was the most stereotypically American thing I have ever experienced but I loved it. We spent the evening at OAP (Open Air Pub, not Old Aged Pensioner), which was so cool. The food was cheap and the company was good. 

It's now Wednesday and we are planning on going down to the river this afternoon and relaxing tonight before frosh (freshers), which might actually kill me off. Classes start next week and I am really looking forward to starting and getting into my routine, as well as joining societies and getting to know more of Montreal and Canada.

In terms of feelings so far, I am loving it. The jet lag has pretty much gone, and most of my main worries haven't been a problem at all. I have met lovely people from all over the world in my house who I'm sure I will get really close to over the next few weeks and months and I'm excited to meet more on my course and at clubs. I was worried about missing my friends from Nottingham, which I do and will continue to do all year, but I'm glad to have met people here who will be there for me during this phase of my life, and I'm so lucky to now have friends back home, in Canada and around the whole world. I have some provisional travel plans which are getting me so excited, and I am already planning where to take my family when the come over in October. I am excited to start learning (although not for exams, as it seems a lot harder to do well here). There have been some slight feelings of homesickness but it's been more because I have been with my family at home since June, so i just need to get used to being away again which won't take long, I'm already pretty comfortable here. More than anything, I am feeling lucky. Lucky to be here, lucky to have a family that will support me here, and lucky to have an amazing support system both here and in the UK. Bring on the rest of the year!

Geneva

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I were lucky enough to fly to Geneva to visit another one of our friends from uni, and I thought I would write about it on here so I can look back and remember what a great few days it was, (although this interrupts the Canada posts, sorry Hurshni it isn't chronological...)

9/8/17 - Arrival and Geneva tour 

After 2 hours sleep and a 3am start to catch a flight, we arrived in Geneva at 10am and honestly I don't think I've ever had such a long day (in a good way). We landed, were finally reunited with Riya (7 weeks is a long time, ok) and went home. I butchered a croissant, met her dog who is now the love of my life and Hurshni wore her harem pants for the first time (little did we know, they would be as much a part of the holiday as we were). We then went into Geneva, which is honestly one of the most beautiful places I have ever been - I'll let the pictures do the talking. 

Riya and I justified spending 6chf on a ride, Hurshni forgot what bonjour madame meant and mistook hand wash for hand sanitiser, I nearly fell asleep on a tram and then had a giggling fit. T'was fun. 

That evening we took Theo for a 'quick' walk. Two hours later we returned, after taking a detour to a chateau and gatecrashing some sort of gathering...avec dog. I was ready to sleep for a week and Theo never needs to be walked again but at least Hurshni got to see dusk. 

Cue bed chatz part 1, where I spent half the time in fits of giggles and the other half saying 'we are ACTUALLY in Geneva, with ACTUAL Riya, and ACTUAL Theo' before deciding I should sleep after being awake for 22 hours. 

10/8/17 - Nyon and Yvoire

Day two started with the best

omelette of my life, which I declared my love for and now "I love you omelette" has become a term of endearment within the group. 

Hurshni and I were proper tourists and took photos of everything, Riya's mum became our personal photographer and I lost count of how many times we said "omg, it's so Swiss!" We took a boat across the lake to Yvoire in France, which blew our minds because we still couldn't believe we were in Switzerland, never mind France. Yvoire was gorgeous, I still can't believe people actually

 live in such a pretty part of the world. The boat trip back was one of my favourite moments of the trip because it hit me that I was in a different country, with two of my best friends who I didn't even know existed this time last year, amazing.

That night we had bed chatz part 2, and had a chill evening to 'resthore' our energy from the busy days. Hurshni was desperate for a spoon.

11/8/17 - Gruyères and Night Out

THIS WAS THE BEST DAY! It started with me constantly questioning my outfit (a crop top and leggings is far from ideal but what can you do when it's 11 degrees, raining and all you brought was shorts?) and wishing I had packed for the weather. We drove to Gruyères and went to where they make the cheese and our immature brains found the fact that a cow lead the audio tour hilarious. We ate so much cheese - fondue, rösti, and meringue with double cream for dessert, I was in heaven. This was burned off when we climbed up to a castle and had a full on photoshoot in our very vibrant raincoats before going to a coffee shop that had questionable baby heads on the wall, but the mocha was good so I overlooked the heads.

We went home and got ready to go out, Hurshni opting to take a coat and Riya wearing long sleeves. I wore a sleeveless dress because "I don't get cold," and consequently froze my butt off all night. Despite being out for over 8 hours, we only spent about an hour in the clubs and the rest of the time we talked and walked the length of Geneva (slight exaggeration but I was wearing heels). By the time we got back to the train station we were a pair of shoes down and cafes were opening for breakfast, but the night was so worth it, definitely one of my favourite nights out ever. 

12/8/17 - Fêtes de Genève 

We woke up feeling fresh (sense the sarcasm), and didn't make it out the house until about 5pm. Hurshni's harem pants made another appearance and I finally got to wear something of my own because it was sunny. We went to the Fêtes de Genève, which is basically a massive village fete all around the lake. I ate so much good food, Riya and I spent about 30chf on rides - mems over money, am I right? - and we watched the fireworks over the lake. I cried at the fireworks because I had another moment of appreciation for my friends and felt sad that I won't be with them this year. The display was beautiful, I was genuinely in awe and I felt so lucky to be there! This was the funniest day, I remember laughing until I felt sick so many times. I fully embarrassed myself when someone asked me what I like about Geneva by answering with "um, the lake?"

I really hope the child in the pushchair is ok and the person who pooed on the portaloo seat has learnt what a toilet is...

13/8/17 - Annecy

On the Sunday we went to Annecy in France, which is a beautiful town on a lake. I had been there before but I was about 8 and obviously don't remember it. We had the most amazing lunch (more cheese), and took a pedalo out on the lake. Genuinely thought we were going to capsize a few times or be ran over by a speed boat but we survived, although my pedalling skills were not up to standard and nor were my 'getting back onto the boat quickly' skills. That pedalo trip was one of my highlights of the week, I had so much fun. Theo came with us that day so I took the best dog selfie of my life on the way home, and Hurshni said the word dusk over 20 times before performing the part of Christina Aguilera in Moves Like Jagger. That night we had my favourite dinner (all the food was insane but this night was 10/10) and had the last installment of bed chatz of the trip (without Theo, he was a bit too excited around Hurshni, wink wink)

14/8/17 - Nyon Plage and Home

This was the final day of the trip for me, I flew home at 9:30pm. I had my last love you omelette, and we went swimming at Nyon plage, which is basically a pool overlooking the lake. It was such nice weather - I really enjoyed it. Taking Theo for a walk for the last time was v sad, and I'm sure he misses our dancing in the street as much as I miss him. 

I had to say goodbye to Riya for what is looking like 9 months, and me being the wet wipe I am cried all the way to the airport, all the way through security and only stopped when I bought chocolate. 

I hope you can tell that I had the best few days in Geneva. I am so happy that I went, and I will be forever grateful to Riya and her family for having us in their house and basically giving up their time to show us around. This is a trip that I will never forget. I laughed, cried, ate so much food and felt very very lucky. I miss it already!

Canada Countdown: 10 Days to Go

Long time no see on this blog, clearly blogging regularly is impossible for me...
Truthfully I had completely forgotten about it over the Summer, as I was busy catching up with friends, working and travelling, as well as preparing for my year abroad, which is what this post is going to focus on. I think my blog is going to be centred around my year abroad from now on, as I want to document it to look back on in future.

If you didn't know, I am spending my second year studying abroad at McGill University in Montreal, Canada. This is obviously an amazing opportunity and I am super grateful to be able to do it. It has been in the works since I started university, but has only become a reality in the last couple of months. As I have spent most of the summer working and travelling, I haven't really had time to think about it, and I didn't realise how close I am to packing up and leaving everything behind. It only began to hit me when I said goodbye to one of my best friends yesterday who I will probably not see for 9 months, or 5 if we are lucky, but I don't think it will really hit until I have said goodbye to everyone and I get on the plane next week. 

With 10 days to go, I am starting to feel a bit apprehensive, but I also very excited. The thought of leaving everything I am comfortable with behind terrifies me, but the idea of meeting new people and immersing myself in a brand new place is so exciting. My emotions are all over the place and I wanted to sit down and write them out, in an attempt to get my thoughts straight.

My Fears

1.  Missing family and friends - obviously I am going to miss my friends and family, but my main worry is missing them so much that I don't enjoy myself. This year I didn't really have much homesickness, but that was because my family were all within an hour of Nottingham and easily reached. A 7 hour flight plus transfers is very different. 
2.  Missing out on memories - one of the best things about first year was the memories I made with my group of friends, and I am worried that I will feel like I am missing out on those this coming year. I will be making new memories of course, but I think that watching my group on social media and not being there will be so hard, no matter how much fun I am having.
3.  Being forgotten about - this is probably my main worry. 9 months is a very long time by uni standards, and I'm scared that I will come back and my friends will have moved on, and I will no longer fit into the group (this is such an irrational concern to have because they are literally the best people ever, but still, a lot can happen in 9 months)
4.  Hating it and wanting to leave - this was a concern when starting at Nottingham, and I loved it and wanted first year to last forever, but I feel like I can't get that lucky twice, surely?
5.  Forgetting something - this is going to happen, for sure. After every holiday first year I ended up going home the following weekend to collect things I had forgotten, I am so unorganised with packing. There is so much to remember (visas, etc) that I am bound to forget something (in fact, I just stopped writing this to order to UK to Canada adaptors...)
6.  Letting people down - this is such an amazing opportunity, and I was so lucky to have been selected to go, I don't want to let anyone down in any way. My parents are sacrificing a lot in order for me to go (it is not cheap) and I don't want to let them down by getting bad grades or just generally disappointing them in any way. I also don't want to let Nottingham Uni down by not achieving what I should.
7.  Not making the most of it - linked to point 6, I am scared that I will waste it and come home with regrets. 
8.  Not making any friends - I am not a natural when it comes to making friends, and again, I'm worried that I won't make a group of friends like the group I made this year (it will take a LOT to even match them).
9.  Flying - I am just terrified of planes, so a 7 hour flight alone is not ideal.

My Hopes

1. Making friends - this is probably the main thing I am hoping to do, else I will have a pretty miserable year. Luckily I am already in touch with some of the people I am living with, so as long as we get on in person I'm good.
2. Improve my French - Montreal is in the French speaking part of Canada, and after stopping French when I started uni, I have lost a lot of it. I am excited to regain and improve my language skills as I think it is a beautiful language. 
3. Keeping Grades Up - this speaks for itself really, I want to match my first year grades and improve on some of my modular performances. 
4. Travelling - I am probably looking forward to this the most, as I have never left Europe before. I have a huge list of places to go, and the whole of the Americas to explore. I want to visit; New York, Toronto, Quebec City, Ottawa, Vancouver, Florida, Washington DC, Maine, Chicago, LA, Seattle, Mexico, Boston, Baltimore and Niagara Falls, although I have limited $$$ won't hit them all. 
5. Matching first year experience - I was spoilt with first year, and I hope to match or even exceed it.
6. I conquer my fear of flying - if 4 transatlantic flights in 8 months can't do it, then nothing will...
7. Immersing myself in the culture - I want to leave feeling like I was as Canadian as I could have been. I want to immerse myself in their culture and take every opportunity I can (although I don't want to adopt the accent thanks)
8. Growth in myself - as cringe as it sounds, I am really hoping to grow within myself and gain confidence, as well as other skills. I want to come home happy and full of experiences that shaped me and give me something to talk about.

I have literally just let all of my thoughts flow, my head is a mess of emotions, my worries are for the most part irrational and my hopes are going to be what I strive to do. I'll check back with you 3 days before I leave, probably with a few more nerves, but hey, it's all part of the experience. I AM SO EXCITED!

Bubbles.

We all live in our own little bubbles which very few of us step outside of. Our circles change, and our bubbles may become distorted, but for the most part we stay within, safe and happy until something pops our bubble and reality hits. This week a huge number of bubbles were popped, as many people were affected by a string of events across the world. The Philippines, Egypt, Syria and Manchester have all been affected by violent, cowardly attacks. 
The events in Manchester resonated with me the most, firstly because it was so close to home, but secondly because I had been to an Ariana Grande concert just 4 days before. I had seen the audience demographic, mostly children and teenage girls, and it baffles me how anyone could target such an innocent group of people on one of the best nights of their lives. I can't shake the thought that children as young as 8 never made it home. 
This is our reality now. We live in a world where we are scared to go to concerts, shopping centres, or anywhere that may draw a large crowd. It's not just in the UK and Europe, although the Western world draws the majority of the media's attention. 29 Christians killed on their way to church in Egypt, over 100 people, including 40+ children in Syria killed in an air strike, as well as the 22 in Manchester. We are living in a time where we expect attacks like this, and wonder when and where the next one will be, never expecting it to be within our bubble but always knowing in the back of our mind that it could be. Emergency services being trained specifically for these types of attacks, workers being given designated meeting points in case of scares and children in schools because taught what to do if caught up in one. 
Fighting fire with fire is not the answer, yet that is what we continue to do. We are at war with ourselves and I fear that we won't give up until there is nothing left. I don't want to bring children into a world where I am worried every time they leave the house, where they see this as normal behaviour from both sides.
I don't want anyone to be scared to explore this wonderful world of ours, but after the events of this week I think that many people will be. It's a shame that this is our reality, and I can only hope that it improves so we can live in a world without fear, although I have a horrible feeling that I am being too optimistic with that statement, and many more innocent people will have their bubbles popped and lives ruined before change starts to happen.

Insecure or vain??

I have always been the spotty one ever since starting secondary school. I remember constantly being told "you'll grow out of it" and "everyone is in the same boat." But that was 8 years ago, and nothing has changed. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing how my skin looks, I can't remember a day of my teenage years where I was happy with my appearance, and I am 20 in five months. This isn't me attention or pity seeking, this is just something I think about constantly and wanted to write about to try and get it out of my head. 

I wish I could leave the house without spending half an hour putting make up on, trying to make my skin look better. It's got to the point where no one sees me without make up on, I'll put concealer on the minute I get out of bed so even my family don't see. My sister has the same problem, but recently she has decided to stop wearing makeup, as she has realised that she doesn't care what people think. I can only hope that one day I have the same change in thoughts, but as of right now I am constantly worrying about what people think of me and what is said behind my back. I know that when people talk to me that's what they notice, I'm pretty sure that I had some nicknames in school, and I know for sure that when people say 'which one is Holly?' the reply will be 'oh, she's the spotty one.' I feel like I am constantly compared to my friends (who are all peng/10 btw), and that means that whenever I do get a someone looking at me, or trying to talk to me, I ignore it or pie them off because they can do better.

I really don't know where I am going with this post, I just wanted to get it off my chest because I am constantly worrying about how people perceive me, do their thoughts echo mine? I know people have it a lot worse, and this is something so petty to get worked up about. I must seem so vain, but it is really hard to ignore when it has been your biggest insecurity for 8 years. My high school friends have never seen me with clear skin, nor has my little cousin or my new uni friends. It impacts my self confidence to the point where sometimes I cancel plans purely because I don't want people to see my face and I am sure that is not healthy. I want to be able to go out without make up on, or just put make up on because I enjoy doing it, not because I have to. I want to go into clubs and look like all the other girls my age, not like some 13 year old who is going through her acne stage, but I am starting to lose hope that that is ever going to happen...

Dear March...

I feel like March was set up to fail after how amazing February was, and although it didn't quite beat February, it definitely put up a good fight. 

Formal 

The month started with our halls formal, which I really enjoyed, despite only a few of our group of friends being there. It's so nice to get dressed up and eat something that you haven't made yourself, and the after party was one of my favourite nights of the year. This was also the evening that I lost "Most Likely to be Successful" to my best friend (rightly so tbh).

The following week my mum and nan came up, and we went to watch Cirque du Soleil, which was a Christmas present from my uncle. It's definitely something that I would recommend seeing, it's such a spectacular production and is like nothing I have ever seen before.

Sheffield Peace Gardens

That weekend I went to Sheffield with my group of friends which was probably one of my favourite weekends of uni, as we got to explore a different place and get away from Notts for a bit. Even though it included a sleepless night, my phone breaking and being designated driver (10/10 do not recommend taking your car to uni), I had a fab time. 

Jazz from the show

March flew by because I was so busy, and the week of the 13th was easily the busiest I have been in a long time. The dance society had our show coming up, so that week included a lot of rehearsals, as well as a social to celebrate which was so nice as I got to know a lot more people from dance. We ended up at Crisis, which is where I lost a lipstick, lost my dignity, and ended up walking home barefoot.

Baa Bar Bday Celebrations

The next day, one of my bffs turned 19, so naturally that called for more than one day of celebration. We spent her bday night in Spoons (classic), and the following night in a nice bar, which was also one of the only nights we have been out as a whole group so it was such a lovely couple of days. Unfortunately for me this happened to fall on sale weekend at work, so I was shattered but it was so worth it. Also that week, I started volunteering at a local company, which has been so interesting and rewarding so far.

#zolly take the dance show

The Theatre

The following week was full of dance, as our show was that weekend. I spent so many hours in the studio/theatre that week, but I loved every second. I was only in three dances, so it was pretty chill for me, which is a huge change to what I'm used to when it comes to dance shows! The whole production was outstanding, and the dances blew me away - I loved being part of it!

By this point in the month I was at serious risk of dying from exhaustion (slight exaggeration, but that's what it felt like), but the last week of the month was still super busy. My grandparents came up and I spent a day with them, showing them the city and the campus, which was really nice. 

I feel like I need to hibernate for a month now after being so busy, but March was deffo a success, and it breaks my heart that it was my last full month of first year, and my last full month with my bffs until third year.

The Best and Worst Things about Uni

As I have now been at uni for 6 months, I feel like I can honestly comment on the best and worst things about it, (from a first years' perspective, of course - I can imagine that third years have much bigger problems than missing their mum's cooking). Some of these are things that I noticed early on, whereas others are more recent realisations, as I feel like I am constantly learning how to function in the adult world.

The Worst Things

1. Missing Home - this is a big one for me, as although I see my family more than most people (living 50 miles down the motorway is v convenient), I do miss them. But it's not just missing your actual family, it's missing the familiarity of home, knowing that everything is carrying on without you. For example, I danced with my dance school for 15 years, and this year is the first time I will not be in their show, which breaks my heart despite having moved on from them. Towards the end of term particularly, I crave the familiarity of home. 

2. Cooking - I am not a good cook at all. My specialties include pasta, stir fry, and that's about it. Most of the time I can't be bothered to cook, and the rest of the time all I have in my cupboards is pasta, so that's all I eat. I would kill for something with a bit more taste, but unfortunately some of us are not Jamie Oliver, sigh. With cooking comes washing up, and I'm not sure which I hate more. Why don't student rooms have dishwashers?

3. Feeling subpar - This is something I have struggled with forever, and has been heightened since coming to uni, as I am surrounded by incredibly intelligent people, who, for the most part, have very different backgrounds to me, in terms of upbringing and schooling. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough to be here, and like everyone else is so much more intelligent than I'll ever be, but this is something that comes with being at such a competitive place I guess. 

4. Always Being Ill - I swear I have been ill since September. Every time I speak to my nan on the phone she asks if I have a cold again, and it took me a while to realise that no, I don't have a cold again, I never got rid of the first one.

The Best Things

1. The People - I've said it before, but I have met the most incredible people here, and I am so grateful for my friends. They are honestly the best group of people on the planet and I love them to bits. As well as my best friends, I have also met so many people away from them. I've got to know so many people on my course, through societies and at work, as well as through friends, and I feel like all of these people will be in my life forever. 

2. Learning - This sounds so cringe, but I enjoy learning, especially about things that interest me (aka not the stats module), and business is something that I love to learn about. I mean, I can't say that the accounting modules have suddenly inspired me to send my CV off to the Big Four, but I have learnt so much about different areas of business that I never would have done otherwise, and I'm sure my parents would love to hear that, to know that their money isn't being totally wasted. 

3. The Opportunities - Again, cliche but there are so many opportunities at university. I am spending next year halfway around the world, which is something I never thought I would be able to do. I've met the former Apprentice winner, been to Amsterdam, and I am taking part in a huge dance show this weekend. I wish I had taken up more at the start of the year so that I could have experienced more!

4. The Independence - Although I do miss my mum doing everything for me, I do love the independence that uni brings, whether it be eating whatever whenever, spontaneously driving to Loughborough when bored, or going out all night.

Despite all the things that I moaned about at the start of this post, uni is literally the best things ever and I am happier than I have ever been - I want this to last forever.